Life of Kota.
"Kota registers its 30th student suicide, numbs district administration.”“Kota rocked by 5 student suicides in 1 month.”
“Kota student’s suicide- Institute never informed about son missing classes: Parents”
“Kota is a hub for JEE preparations with students coming from corners of the country with high hopes and equal pressure”
“Two girls commit suicide in Kota due stress from studies”
In a country where politics is baked on selected suicide, scores of suicide remains untouched unnoticed and silent. Why? Because here you will not gain any political advantage, students are not from any particular class or community they are from different corners of the country. The naïve mind has just heard of something called IIT, AIEEE, AIIMS, AIPMT and many other highly competitive exams. With a hope to clear out and fare well lakhs of student every years come to KOTA. The race begins. The big coaching classes Allen, Career Point, Vibrant, Bansal, Narayana and many others with their claims and results are there to enroll into.
The classes start at 7 am to 2 pm for morning shift and 2 pm to 8 pm for evening shift. I was also there like lakhs of other student. Yes, the environment is very tight and monotonous. Students and teachers hurrying up for the classes as if they are going for some missile launch at a research center. You get up in the morning, get ready for classes, have ‘poha and chai’ on the way, then five to six hours of classes with one break in between for 10 to 15 min and finally classes over at 2. You reach room have the lunch which is placed by tiffin service on your door hours before or you enroll at some nearby mess. Then you have loads of assignments, sheets and drills and revisions to be made. You study till evening, go out for some snacks and then again sit to complete assignment and finally have dinner and sleep out. This cycle goes on and on. There are monthly tests, where topper would hardy get 50-50% and mediocre 20-25%, and many would be between 1-20%. Till tenth below 90% was not less than a scar. I remember my first test, I got 1 marks in Maths and somewhat between 15-18% overall. I was like f***, but I consoled myself and felt better that this low marks was securing around 500 rank among 2000 students of J-batch. I decided not to tell my parents about my test result as it was very first test and took oath to prepare well for next time, so started studying harder. Few days later got call from dad; he asked to come back if you do not understand things there and leave preparation for engineering. At first I could not understand why he was talking like that, I have no idea that institute sends message to parent’s registered number as the test result declares out. His resentment was normal, to any parent seeing marks like 1/150 and percentage like 15,19,33,25 is disturbing. Many of you may frown on reading this but for those who had been to Kota it’s quite normal. What could I speak out; I was not a dumb student 90+ scorer in 10th board and 80+ at 12th board. This must not be just my story or this was not just what would have happened to me but many others or lakhs of other and many would have gone through far worse situation. Next test I got 5 in Maths and over all percentage increased a bit but I never scored more than 30% throughout the year. Kota chapter ended I could not clear IIT or AIEEE, but state level exam and pursued with a private college. Let’s look at it like this suppose 1.5 lakhs students arrived at Kota, if we add dropper lets add another 1 lakh, so total 2.5 lakhs. There are around total 10,000 seats in IITs, NITs 20,000, AIPMT 4000, AIMS 50, lets add another 5,000 for margin, totaling to 35,4050. Idealize a situation that all these seats are filled by students from Kota even then there are 2 lakhs student left. What should they do? Many of them would not be from good background and have many other problems of this adverse life.
You decide in a moment that ending up your life is the end of all your problems and troubles. You go to market buy a rope or razor blade, come back to your room and close the door from inside and next you end up. Have you ever thought what happens next, no? At evening your phone rings, your mom calls to check if you have returned from class, what was there in lunch today at the mess and others things. Unanswered, she thinks you might have slept out or gone to bathroom or market and have forget to take phone once again. Your tiffin wale bhaiya comes and delivers tiffin at door. Next morning he comes to deliver tiffin and finds the preceding one heavy, think you didn’t have it, maybe you ate outside. Next day again mom calls and gets no answer she is anxious now, but since it your class time she thinks you are at class. Again the tiffin wale bhaiya delivers the dinner and finds the lunch not taken. He gets suspicious, try to peep through closed window. He hears the phone’s ring from the inside of your closed room. He goes upstairs to inform your aged landlord upstairs. They comeback to break into your door and find the phone still ringing. With phone in his hand and eyes at your lifeless body, the old landlord reads the screen ‘Mummy calling…”. He picks up the phone before he could speak hello it’s your mom scolding “kha the beta, kab se call kar rhi hu tmko, kal bhi bat ni hui, tbiyat to theek hai”. Your landlord feels a lump in his neck to speak out anything and it’s your mom speaking out your name from other side and she hears the voice of old landlord saying ‘your son is no more ’. She could not believe what she just heard and asked in fury with tears in her eye ‘who are you?’ As the landlord tries to describe the situation she faints down unconsously. Your younger brother comes running hearing your moms cry to find her lying on floor. He shouts for dad, who is watching television in another room. He picks up the phone, your landlord is still there on line, they talk and your father sits down on sofa there, holding the handle tightly as if he is struck it a cyclone and preventing himself from getting blown away by the cruel winds. Your brother, who is younger to you, could not understand what is happening. He is afraid, and is trying to wake up mom. He knows nothing but he starts crying out of fear. Few minutes later as your fathers gains some strength he starts making call to some of your local relatives there at your home town and inform them your demise and ask them to come home. It’s only now that your younger brother knew exactly what has happened. Why mom is laying unconscious on floor and why tears are coming out of dad eye who is looking too tensed. He too starts crying, now very heavily. He tries to recollect your face actually he was waiting since long and it was only one month and twelve days left for your Diwali vacation. He had planned to play NFS with you and win every challenge at NFS as he had become very apt in it and has cleared all the stages. He also wanted to complain about two senior guys at school who bullied him as you have passed out the school and gone to Kota after completing twelfth. This was your small brother’s expectations from you and you (even me) have no ideas what dreams and plans your mom and dad has associated with you. Seeing you graduating from a good college was just a small part or fraction of that bigger plan. Though they wanted that you went to best of best college they would not have felt this bad if you have not made from these premier institute. Or even if you have not been able to become a doctor or engineer they would not have felt this bad because they had seen many others dreams and you were their hero, their life. You thought you are ending all the problems. See, what pain you have given to your most beloved one your mom, your dad and your younger brother. You made their life a burden man, a hell. Every other thing except these three would get back to normal within few days. The room in which you ended up would be occupied by some other aspirant at Kota. Your coaching would be fine as usual. But these three would miss you forever till they breathe their last. You were so selfish and stone hearted to not to think about them and ran away from small problem.
Yes small problem. What would have happened if you didn’t cleared even a single exam. Sachin failed thrice at tenth. Kya hua? Steve Jobs dropped out, Bill Gates dropped out, Edison dropped out. Leave them these are big name, go to your locality and see how many fared well at academics but you will find many of them living a great life.
The classes start at 7 am to 2 pm for morning shift and 2 pm to 8 pm for evening shift. I was also there like lakhs of other student. Yes, the environment is very tight and monotonous. Students and teachers hurrying up for the classes as if they are going for some missile launch at a research center. You get up in the morning, get ready for classes, have ‘poha and chai’ on the way, then five to six hours of classes with one break in between for 10 to 15 min and finally classes over at 2. You reach room have the lunch which is placed by tiffin service on your door hours before or you enroll at some nearby mess. Then you have loads of assignments, sheets and drills and revisions to be made. You study till evening, go out for some snacks and then again sit to complete assignment and finally have dinner and sleep out. This cycle goes on and on. There are monthly tests, where topper would hardy get 50-50% and mediocre 20-25%, and many would be between 1-20%. Till tenth below 90% was not less than a scar. I remember my first test, I got 1 marks in Maths and somewhat between 15-18% overall. I was like f***, but I consoled myself and felt better that this low marks was securing around 500 rank among 2000 students of J-batch. I decided not to tell my parents about my test result as it was very first test and took oath to prepare well for next time, so started studying harder. Few days later got call from dad; he asked to come back if you do not understand things there and leave preparation for engineering. At first I could not understand why he was talking like that, I have no idea that institute sends message to parent’s registered number as the test result declares out. His resentment was normal, to any parent seeing marks like 1/150 and percentage like 15,19,33,25 is disturbing. Many of you may frown on reading this but for those who had been to Kota it’s quite normal. What could I speak out; I was not a dumb student 90+ scorer in 10th board and 80+ at 12th board. This must not be just my story or this was not just what would have happened to me but many others or lakhs of other and many would have gone through far worse situation. Next test I got 5 in Maths and over all percentage increased a bit but I never scored more than 30% throughout the year. Kota chapter ended I could not clear IIT or AIEEE, but state level exam and pursued with a private college. Let’s look at it like this suppose 1.5 lakhs students arrived at Kota, if we add dropper lets add another 1 lakh, so total 2.5 lakhs. There are around total 10,000 seats in IITs, NITs 20,000, AIPMT 4000, AIMS 50, lets add another 5,000 for margin, totaling to 35,4050. Idealize a situation that all these seats are filled by students from Kota even then there are 2 lakhs student left. What should they do? Many of them would not be from good background and have many other problems of this adverse life.
What should they? Look out for some rope, or head toward Chambal Ghati??
You decide in a moment that ending up your life is the end of all your problems and troubles. You go to market buy a rope or razor blade, come back to your room and close the door from inside and next you end up. Have you ever thought what happens next, no? At evening your phone rings, your mom calls to check if you have returned from class, what was there in lunch today at the mess and others things. Unanswered, she thinks you might have slept out or gone to bathroom or market and have forget to take phone once again. Your tiffin wale bhaiya comes and delivers tiffin at door. Next morning he comes to deliver tiffin and finds the preceding one heavy, think you didn’t have it, maybe you ate outside. Next day again mom calls and gets no answer she is anxious now, but since it your class time she thinks you are at class. Again the tiffin wale bhaiya delivers the dinner and finds the lunch not taken. He gets suspicious, try to peep through closed window. He hears the phone’s ring from the inside of your closed room. He goes upstairs to inform your aged landlord upstairs. They comeback to break into your door and find the phone still ringing. With phone in his hand and eyes at your lifeless body, the old landlord reads the screen ‘Mummy calling…”. He picks up the phone before he could speak hello it’s your mom scolding “kha the beta, kab se call kar rhi hu tmko, kal bhi bat ni hui, tbiyat to theek hai”. Your landlord feels a lump in his neck to speak out anything and it’s your mom speaking out your name from other side and she hears the voice of old landlord saying ‘your son is no more ’. She could not believe what she just heard and asked in fury with tears in her eye ‘who are you?’ As the landlord tries to describe the situation she faints down unconsously. Your younger brother comes running hearing your moms cry to find her lying on floor. He shouts for dad, who is watching television in another room. He picks up the phone, your landlord is still there on line, they talk and your father sits down on sofa there, holding the handle tightly as if he is struck it a cyclone and preventing himself from getting blown away by the cruel winds. Your brother, who is younger to you, could not understand what is happening. He is afraid, and is trying to wake up mom. He knows nothing but he starts crying out of fear. Few minutes later as your fathers gains some strength he starts making call to some of your local relatives there at your home town and inform them your demise and ask them to come home. It’s only now that your younger brother knew exactly what has happened. Why mom is laying unconscious on floor and why tears are coming out of dad eye who is looking too tensed. He too starts crying, now very heavily. He tries to recollect your face actually he was waiting since long and it was only one month and twelve days left for your Diwali vacation. He had planned to play NFS with you and win every challenge at NFS as he had become very apt in it and has cleared all the stages. He also wanted to complain about two senior guys at school who bullied him as you have passed out the school and gone to Kota after completing twelfth. This was your small brother’s expectations from you and you (even me) have no ideas what dreams and plans your mom and dad has associated with you. Seeing you graduating from a good college was just a small part or fraction of that bigger plan. Though they wanted that you went to best of best college they would not have felt this bad if you have not made from these premier institute. Or even if you have not been able to become a doctor or engineer they would not have felt this bad because they had seen many others dreams and you were their hero, their life. You thought you are ending all the problems. See, what pain you have given to your most beloved one your mom, your dad and your younger brother. You made their life a burden man, a hell. Every other thing except these three would get back to normal within few days. The room in which you ended up would be occupied by some other aspirant at Kota. Your coaching would be fine as usual. But these three would miss you forever till they breathe their last. You were so selfish and stone hearted to not to think about them and ran away from small problem.
Yes small problem. What would have happened if you didn’t cleared even a single exam. Sachin failed thrice at tenth. Kya hua? Steve Jobs dropped out, Bill Gates dropped out, Edison dropped out. Leave them these are big name, go to your locality and see how many fared well at academics but you will find many of them living a great life.
Life has a deeper meaning and you have no right to end it up. It’s not bravery. Bravery is to try and strive for best and never losing hope even if you fail repeatedly. Bravery is to face every failure boldly.
Look into the mirror and just smile, you will find great strength and support in any adverse situation. Just try it once if you don’t believe me. Your smile is killer. Killer of negativity.
